A date with myself

I love being a mother, I really do. I love being a wife, I really do. But there are these moments in time that I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’m going to loose it if I keep going with my life as it is right now…and yet I keep saying to Husband that I want to start trying to have another baby.


I know why I feel this way. It’s because I feel like I start to loose myself and the person that I was before I had a baby and before I got married. Yes I know that this is how life is and how it’s supposed to be. It’s just, there are times that I want to be able to be selfish and just think of myself. There are times that I want to go out drinking, leave the dishes in the sink for a week, not do laundry for a few weeks, and be able to watch what I want when I want to and even more so, be able to take a bath for as long as I want with no interruptions AT ALL. I know that it’s more then this but you get my point. I miss being able to just have life be about me and only me at times.

I know I’m coming of like a selfish person here, but really, truly, honestly, I’m not. I’ve always thought about others before thinking of myself. I’ve always tried to put myself in someone else’s shoes before my own. I’ve always given of myself to others instead of taking from them. That’s just me and who I am. But everyone deserves a little bit of selfishness once in a while.

I try to be super mom and super wife, and that’s part of my problem. I need to learn that life will not be perfect, that I can’t provide and do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE, but it’s hard. I guess I always imagined myself as being the old fashioned kind of person, have the house spotless, the kids bathed, and dinner on the table, all the while going to PTA meetings, volunteering at the hospitals and the kid’s schools, and just doing it all.

I guess I do it all in a different way though. I work, I clean the house, I make dinner, though it’s not on the table when my husband gets home and sometimes doesn’t get eaten until after 8pm, and I take care of Logan and have everything organized for him. I’m sure that I do more, but I’m so tired from all of that I can’t remember.

The point is, life isn’t what I planned but it’s still a great life. I need to learn to be easier on myself, and to ask, make or even force my husband to do things too. I need to know that I’m still me, I’m still Hope, and I’m not just a mother and a wife. And at times that’s all that I feel like.

Does it make me a bad mother and wife to want to just be me on occasion? I don’t think so. In fact, I think it makes me a better one for it. I think that all women need to just be ‘them’ on occasion, that way they can get back in touch with themselves and be ‘all that they can be’ for their family.

So going forward I think that I need to schedule, yes schedule because that is just who I am, a time to be alone and just have ‘me’ time. You know how you schedule a date night with your spouse, well, I think that I need to schedule a date night with me.